Seriously. The depression has morphed into absolute rage. At EVERYTHING! I can't hold it in. I tried so hard at school so that I don't lose my job but I swear I had to walk away from students to avoid saying something I shouldn't. I kept picturing myself screaming and throwin things, kicking over chairs and desks. Then I imagined what it would be like to have the staff come in and restrain ME for a change. Then of course panic would well up and I had to remove myself from the situation. What's worse is that I can't even be around my family. My son touching me made me so upset it was all I could do to not smack his little hand away. I feel like a horrible mother and wife. I'm convinced everyone hates me and is talking about me behind my back. In fact I know they are. I know they are! Even my family...They all know how terrible I am inside. I've banished myself to my room for the night so I don't end up making things worse between me and my husband.

I feel like I need to drug myself with vistaril and klonopin until this passes. I just wish my mind could function. I wish I hadn't lost my stability. Don tell me I'll get there again because I am so hopeless right now I can't take it. I know what I should think but it sure doesn't feel like it right now.

Here's to hoping sleep will help and I will wake up refreshed and not so damn angry!!!!