HamsterGirl,

I in no way meant to put down anyway who is physically disabled for it is nothing I have felt. I understand all your thoughts. My therapist once told me not to look at yourself as someone who is wallowing in self pity as I feel I do but look at yourself as someone who is mourning the loss of life that they would like to have and mourning never ends. This gave me am ounce of dignity. I wish that I could reach out to you and give you those things that have been taken away from you. That is the kind of person I am when I am not depressed. Emotional abuse is the most pain I have ever felt and that is why we need to stick together and comfort each other as much as possible. It is so true that your family and friends just don't know how to react. Their actions are the ones that make your depression spiral. I have realized that mine as yours will never understand that my brain is so scrambled alot of the time the only way to keep myself from doing something stupid is to sleep and then I am considered lazy. I too isolate myself from many situations because I feel like I don't fit in. Don't keep your pain inside that is why we have support groups. If you are able to get to one you should check out the Depression and BiPolar Support Alliance www.dbsalliance.org.

As for my marital problems. I do go to therapy I need to build my self esteem, unfortunately, my husband takes it down a notch everyday. We went to 4 marriage counseling sessions and he walked out now we waiting to see another therapist. I swore that I wouldn't live in a marriage like my parents, my dad is emotionally abusive to my mother, they are still together but they fought through my whole childhood and all my brothers and sisters have moved away for a reason.

I could go on and on but the laundry is waiting.
My thoughts are with you.