I notice differences in myself when others are around as well, and it's not just me. I will notice different feelings apart from my own, or different levels of the same feeling. One time we were all crying. I was at home alone, having a shower, and remember feeling the crying on so many different levels. Childish crying for the younger ones, and older crying for me and the adults. It was such a weird situation. To anyone else I might have just been crying, but to me it was like a choir singing one song, instead of a soloist, or something, if that makes sense.

I notice my body language changes when others get stronger in me, I will sometimes half take on their own body language, half mine. I think I notice my breathing more when one of them is trying to come out and take over, and I am fighting it. It's kind of like a panic attack almost, my breathing gets heavy and I start to shake with the effort of keeping control. This happened this week at my session with my t, which is weird for me becuase I've never felt the urge/need to switch in front of him before and he prefers to talk to anyone else through me to keep me communicating, etc. I was able to tell him which alter was coming out and he talked to her through me so that I didn't end up switching, but was still hunched in and emotional, which are 'her' body norms.

I don't know if you can relate to those. Just thought I'd let you know that I can understand the weirdness of not being you, at the same time as still being in charge. It's nice that R has slower breathing, to help you stay calm through those issues. And I know what you mean about if you saw yourself in a mirror you wouldn't recognize you. At least, I think I do I often feel like if I see myself when I'm either switched or half-in/half-out I look completely alien.

As a question of interest (feel free to ignore if you are uncomfortable): do you ever have alters take over and get so that you are the one 'peeking out'? I don't lose time when I switch, and for the most part I'm still 'there', but sometimes there have been situations where I will switch, and while I'm watching and listening, I dont' have my own thoughts, emotions or control over actions when they're out. It's the weirdest feeling. But because I don't lost time I can remember what happens when I switch back, I just know it wasn't 'me' doing all that, but a different part of me.
(sorry if that part was way off topic).
xo
IJ