Yes I did SI & did cause some issues. More for me & I've been able to hide it from my H. Now the problem is, as I thought it would be, i want more. This need for pain is becoming overwhelming. I get that tunnel vision & don't hear anyone. I don't care anymore. I don't care about my kids, my family, my life. Things are getting to a toxic level. I'm having homicidal thoughts about my T. I'm having SU. I can really see myself letting go to all the rage & just feeding it till it shuts down.
Once again the reaction of my H would send me into such a tailspin of guilt & shame it slows my thinking down. So I can't share this w/ him. I can't share this w/ my T saying, "last time we had a session you made me so angry now I wanto hurt you." Don't think she'll be all warm & receptive to that. I can't tell anyone anything bec it's so foreign from who I am on the outside I don't think others will believe whats on the inside.
It scares me... A lot!