Hi. I have been suffering with depression for about 8 years. I am doing okay, I guess. I am not the same as I was before all of this started. I remember (barely) that I had a zest for living and my days went by with a smile (both metaphorically and literally) and anticipation. I never led a particularly thrilling life, but I liked it.
But now, even though my depression is not crushing, (I am on Wellbutrin and I have Xanax for anxiety, but seriously Xanax it has NO effect on me) it's a different kind of life. It's more like existing and any happiness is fleeting during the day. Basically, "yay. I got through another day".
I really, really miss how I was and a day doesn't go by where I don't think about it. I don't think that it makes things worse to do this because I would like to have a goal. But it seems as if I am mourning something. And the memory of what I was like is slowly disappearing.

I was wondering if anybody else could relate