I understand your story, but i hope you can really get connected with your t and doc. My husband carries a knife because he needs it for his job, he's a shoemaker and he needs them for his work. He also works from home making wallets and fixing zippers and purses. I was leary at first when he showed it to me but he didn't pose threat towards me or anyone else. Even so, i was afraid, because it could be used as a weapon, if someone else got a hold of it. he has all kinds of sewing machines in a workshop in the back of the house, i worry about the paint thinner and chemicals also. In fact his boss just built a building for my husband next to the store itself so he will be able to work there. About being with crowds, it is sometimes hard like you said, to pass up alcholol when it is practically shoved down your throat from peer pressure, so i can see why you wouldn't want to go out unless if it was somewhere where people don't drink. Exercising sounds great, clubs, and other outlets could help if you take it slowly. The headache excuse sounds great, and it would work too, i've used it several times myself.