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Old Nov 02, 2013, 05:02 PM
ultramar ultramar is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,486
My best recommendation is to keep an open mind, and consider the very real possibility that whatever mood you're in or behavior you're engaging in could very well not be the bipolar. For example, the irritability you mention --the possibility *exists* anyway, that this is sometimes neither depression, nor hypomania. In other words, just because a mood or behavior is intense, doesn't mean its bipolar, and I think this applies to all of us, though maybe especially if you have difficulty regulating your emotions outside of episodes as well/on a daily basis.

I suffer from a lot of anxiety at times, PTSD-type reactions, sadness and teariness, irritability when triggered by things that tend to make me, well, irritable. Increased pain affects my mood, all kinds of things do. But in these situations, if I change my thinking about them (which can lead to feeling differently when faced with them) I can feel better. I can come out of these emotional-states through journaling, exploring them with my therapist, positive changes in my environment or relationships. This is why they don't tend to last very long. And when it's a matter of these types of things, I do not tend to have a change of energy (apparently bipolar is not just a matter of mood, i.e. I'm very irritable right now, so I'm hypo), but also change in energy (i.e. little need for sleep), so I'm mindful of these things as well. If it's just mood, however uncomfortable, etc., it's just my mood, not bipolar, though this doesn't mean it's easy to deal with.

If I am having difficulties in the relationship with my therapist (or even a rupture), this can definitely upset me. But if I attributed the sadness and sometimes irritability associated with this to bipolar, then it would be hard to repair that rupture, own my part in it, and figure out ways to prevent them in the future. I think this can hold true for any relationship. Sometimes it can be embarrassing to what extent relationships with others can affect us, or other things going on in our environment, so thinking that others and maybe meds need to change -instead of ourselves- can ameliorate that -but how helpful in the long run?

Episodes are completely different. Nothing in my environment or attempts to change thinking can put my feet back on the ground, or stop the freight train barreling down the tracks without brakes. I won't come out of it because someone said or did something nice, or mean, or because my circumstances change. And I also don't sleep and have enormous amounts of energy and physical agitation. I think because outside influences don't change this state is what makes it so tenacious, makes it last so long -at least in my case.

I suffer from a lot of anxiety and how this manifests itself can mimic hypomania. I can get very fidgety, talk a lot and fast, insomnia, crawling out my skin, etc. So how do you tell the difference? Again, keeping an open mind that what may seem like bipolar *may* not be. That allows me the space and freedom to take a good look at what is going on around me and inside of me. Journaling, therapy, being honest with myself, I can often find a trigger. We're all different, my trigger will be different than others', and my trigger may seem too insignificant to cause this, but my history is what it is (I don't mean necessarily trauma, just whatever it is that personally triggers you). Knowing it's about my anxiety helps me to feel more in control, in that I can improve it, now and in the future.

I can also impulsively shop when anxious as a way to self-soothe. Sounds like hypo, but I know it's not. The other stuff just isn't there, and I know I'm anxious. I think a lot of 'impulsive' behaviors can be efforts to self-soothe, at the end of the day, and to soothe emotional states that may or may not be 'episodes.'

My recommendation is to try to be very aware of your environment, aware of your coping mechanisms, aware of your triggers -through journaling, therapy, whatever helps us to become more aware of these things.

If I attributed all of my sadness and anxiety (including fight or flight responses), irritability to bipolar, I think I'd feel helpless indeed, focused on medication as the antidote, I think I wouldn't 'own' my emotions and behaviors, which means not understanding myself, my psychology, my triggers, things that keep me grounded in who and how I am. Some freight trains can be stopped, before they go on for very long, without medication. Coping mechanisms and the rest of it.