Yes, I have researched all the personality disorders. In depth actually. I think it's a fair assumption based on that a person should have at least 5 of the symptoms to be considered. She has 7 as far as I am concerned, and family thinks 7 to 9. Again, I am most certainly not a psychiatrist but in addition to be involved with her, knowing her behavior, I have "done my homework"...and not just to label or anything...some of the material is about being the non-BP and knowing how to deal with that person....or how to heal after the relationship. As you know, the nons don't walk away unscathed. Hardly. Especially if they loved them the way that I will always love her.

And that "event"...No, I'm not focused on it...not now, not then. It was a LOT of things. It was just "case in point" as I stated. I'd been accused of looking at teenagers, waitresses...was accused one night of having slept with another woman before coming over to her house because I "smelled like you've been with a *****"...she was referring to her best friend that she was sure I was having an affair with. She threw me out that night. Accused me at a friend's funeral (and acted out) because I gave another woman a lighter that she asked a group of us for. I've been almost pushed down a flight of stairs, had my head pushed into a stainless steel rack, and had my life threatened by stabbing...TWICE. So no....And her mom deal? Maybe it was justification for her and what she told her friends happened...dunno but it always came back up in a fight...always. I would guess that is the rawest of all the wounds and she would NEVER let me forget it. That one hurt...especially when I did nothing wrong.

The list goes on and on and on. I was a fool for staying with her and continuing to go back...but when we have feelings of love for someone as I do, I would have walked through fire for her...Anyone that has TRUE feelings of love for someone would.

I haven't seen her in 16 months. If you note the time period in between when I originally posted and now you would see that. I can't talk to her or communicate with her any way because it's no good for either of us. I met a woman recently that was more than likely in a relationship with a BPD...and her experience mirrors mine almost exactly, so that was a major healing thing for me. And I was able to let her know that she wasn't alone...I kind of think she thought she was and maybe it helped her too.

Now, if I had a million dollars, and I could "fix" her? I would. I would rather be penniless than live without her. There is nothing I could do about it then, or now. I just have had to learn how to move on...and I have. My replying at all to this was that curiosity got me to see if anyone had ever replied to the thread. I was really hurting back then and missing her severely...Very depressed and confused. Now I know the "why" of it. Sure it sucks that this can never be resolved, but that's just how things are. Someone earlier said that BPDs can be wonderful and beautiful people. She certainly is in many ways. It wasn't always terrible...if it was why would I have stayed. There is many many things I love about her that I have yet to find in anyone else.

Hope that clears things a bit.

to you guys. I know a lot of you are struggling. I hope each one of you continues to improve managing your BPD and you can lead a happier life. I appreciate your feedback too.