Just out browsing the forums today and this caught my eye... maybe because you used the word vanilla and I'm in the mood for comfort food, who knows lol.

Anyhow, just a suggestion here - Try writing BDSM fiction on your own. Believe me, I am a very celibate non partnered 46 yr old woman, and without my rampant imagination and ability to write, I would have no sexual "activity" at all. If you've never written before, it's not very hard and I'd be happy to give you pointers if you're interested. Maybe you could write something and read it aloud to your H? Honestly, I believe that most people who are bashful or inhibited about BDSM or any sexual aspect really, are more afraid of being vulnerable but alas, this is a human flaw overall and can be overcome.

Anyhow as I said, just a suggestion. Feel free to msg me or find me in the writer's forum.