I agree with Silver Queen that there are two different perspectives viewing the same set of facts/circumstances. Labelling responses as selfish/unselfish, right/wrong doesn't move things forward.

Your feelings, wants, and needs are yours and, therefore, legitimate.

This kind of situation is always tricky to negotiate. Merged families pose special problems. I live alone because I am truly selfish, so I am no help to you finding ways to navigate this; I'll leave that to members more skillful than I at family relationships. I see good ideas here already, and I wish you all the best finding a way through this.