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My personal opinion is that how she looks does not trigger you because it suggests some sort of attraction, but because you lack a strong sense of self (a self apart from others) when it comes to people you are very close too (especially T's); you have a hard time separating out where the loved one stops and where you begin.
In this context I think you see her appearance as reflecting on you somehow; you really seem to take her appearance (and changes in it) as a personal affront. Like how some parents will want their children to look a certain way because their appearance reflects on them. I think her thinness (which you think is too much/unattractive) and other things reflect on you personally, whether positively or negatively.
I think if you really experienced her as an entirely separate person, her appearance would not affect you so much. I have never gotten the sense that you are attracted, in an erotic way, to her; of course you may have these feelings sometimes, they're very common in therapy, but somehow I don't see your concerns about her appearance having anything to do with this.
And I think all of this is about adult Rainbow. The expectations for children and teenagers are very different (and lower) than those for adults. I understand 'parts' (sort of) in some cases, but here it just sounds like you're deflecting feelings you do not like/are ashamed of onto 'other' parts, because they are difficult to own and accept.
I could be wrong about all of this; it's what I've noticed from my point of view.
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