Hi everyone. I haven’t posted on here in a few months because well, quite frankly I was doing really well! I was put on Saphris 10mg and got a new job that I’ve been very preoccupied with and everything has been going great… until a few nights ago on Halloween.

Long story short I only got 4 hours of sleep the night before because I worked until 11pm, then had to be AT work at 5:00am for the morning shift so I could go out on Halloween night. After work I took a short nap but couldn’t really sleep, I was anxious about having friends over to “pre party” before we went downtown. Anyway, we had a few shots at my house then went out. The whole night I felt “on edge” and was drinking with my friends but wasn’t having fun. I even had 2 people ask me “what’s wrong” (one was a bouncer at the club) and I said “nothing I’m fine!” But really something WAS wrong, I just wasn’t sure what. Anyway I’m drinking and drinking but I don’t feel the buzz AT ALL. By 11pm my friends are already drunk, and everyone is fighting for a chance to talk and be center of attention and I’m just sitting there staring at the mass of people around us in costumes laughing and having fun and on the inside I kept thinking, “this sucks I wish I was at home in bed with my boyfriend”. It became so overwhelming that I knew I had to leave and apologized to my friends and said I had a headache that I had to go home. I called my boyfriend to tell him to come get me. He picks me up from downtown and I get in the car and immediately start crying! He asks what’s wrong and I just said “I don’t know everything!” He reminds me I’m running on 4 hours of sleep, went out drinking, and I already have anxiety issues in large crowds and there was like a million people out. When I get home I immediately start to feel better, like a weight had been lifted.

Flash forward to the next day, (yesterday) and all day I work I felt “off”. Like really depressed, not wanting to work, wasn’t surfing the web like I usually do when we’re slow instead I was just starring at the screen and kept checking facebook on my phone. (Idk why, facebook always makes me more depressed)

Then today was a little better at work, but I still didn’t feel myself. I start thinking about social situations that are making me upset, (my friend who I texted and apologized about leaving early, I told her why I really left and she never texted me back! Also a girl I had met that night who came out with us still hadn’t accepted my friend request on facebook). I know these are little things and don’t’ seem like a big deal but they were a huge deal to me. Made me feel like “what’s wrong with me, why aren’t people responding to me, why don’t they like me?” Anyway it all became too much and tonight I exploded in tears, uncontrollably, and for seemingly no reason. It's just everything. I’m still really upset. I just feel like a terrible person, and all my problems in life I’m dwelling on and getting really upset over. I feel like nobody likes me and have no “real” friends, I hate my job and I think my boss hates me, just EVERYTHING sucks right now and I feel so hurt and depressed and the pain is almost unbearable. My question is… WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I’m medicated and my meds have been working just fine… I haven’t felt this way since before I was on meds. Am I depressed? Should I be put on antidepressants too? I just feel incredibly sad, worthless, and if I could have it my way I’d sleep in all day tomorrow and not do a damn thing. I'm seriously considering calling in sick even though my boyfriend is advising against it.I’m seeing my doctor in 2 weeks and I’ll let him know what’s going on. I’m just not sure if maybe I need to see another doctor before hand or if this can wait. Anyway thanks for reading if you got this far. I just needed to rant about my feelings and hopefully someone can give me some advice. Thanks.