|
I'm sorry you're struggling so much!
It sounds like you have a lot going on so of course I don't have the whole context, but from the story you tell it sounds like needing to leave that party, perhaps as a result of your anxiety in crowds (I suffer with the same thing) maybe led you to feel badly about yourself -maybe embarrassed in front of your friends? As you say, everyone seemed to be having a good time, it's hard if not impossible for others to understand that kind of anxiety if they're not familiar with it and it can make you (me, people) feel very alone and misunderstood. And to see others enjoying themselves and not being a part of that -feeling different, separate- can be so hard.
Also, the next day you seemed to need reassurance from your friends that things were okay between you (again, feeling bad/embarrassed about leaving the party)?
And all of this started on very little sleep, with a lot of alcohol on board, all of which may have put you in a particularly -emotionally- vulnerable state.
This is what is sounds like to me, or perhaps something along these lines. If so, I'm not sure medication is the problem or the answer. I don't know if it might help to tell a close friend of yours about your anxiety (in crowds, etc.). They may well be very supportive/understanding and it might make you feel better -I don't know if you're worried about what your friends think of you because of leaving the party -if they understood why, it might help. I know when I told a close friend about my anxiety (and why I didn't go out with her more often), I felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders, and she was very supportive.
I'm sorry you're in such a difficult place, hopefully the sting will lessen with time. And as I say, maybe sharing your anxiety with friends might lessen the load and increase their understanding.
|