I just do not understand. I don't want to have sex. I have over came rape and am now dealing w/ childhood sexual abuse. I jsut need to take a break from sex. My T has suggested we put sex on the back burner and take a brake for a bit. H is not happy about this. I don't expect him to be. I am sure it is like sleeping in a candy store and not getting to have any of the candy.

He continues to think this lack of sex thing is about him and it is not. I tell him it is not about you. I can't be bribed, persuaded, and manipulated into wanting sex. The T has talked to him and told him it is not about him, this is a choice about me and my healing. I have told him I need to learn that I am not an object for another humans pleasure and if I don't want to do it then I shouldn't, that is what it feels like to me.

My H is always telling me "I must be a real SOB, you can't stand to have sex w/ me" or "I must be a piece of sh** to you." I can't get him to see that this is manipulating me as well. If he tells me these things and I let him have sex with me then I have given in and encouraged the wrong kind of behavior from him. He tells me "we are not going on vacation, whats the use if we can't have sex" I get so tired of hearing these kinda things.

Why, why does he need to have sex so badly. I am also working on being more affectionate. I am afraid to be affectionate. I am simply working on hugs, and kisses on the cheek and non sexual touches. I am very sensitive to touch in a bad kinda way. It gives me the willies and is just gross. As hard as I try it seems I continue to move backwards.

I guess that is just my little rant. Anyone else face similar struggles. I just need to know I am not alone in this.

I put this in survivors of abuse as well. So if you think you have seen this twice you have. sorry.