@Iamwho: Did you want feedback on this? I get this whole thing where [apparently?] I am hypercritical of how I treat the people I have relationships with and care about.

That is to say, pretty much 95% of the people I engage with on a more intimate basis say I need to cut myself some slack and try to be human sometimes. Which means sometimes complaining, being cranky, not being perfect, not being totally hypervigilant 100% of the time to everyone's needs- because no one is psychic.

I pursue the idea that I can always be a better person, but when it comes to how I treat people and interact with them, sometimes that thought actually overrides any appreciation for what I do and why my loved ones love me NOW.

I don't know if any of this addresses any of your concerns, as you weren't specific, but maybe something in there is relevant...

I do understand being overwhelmed by social participation- it's a lot of work for me personally.

ha.