{{{{{pug}}}}} I know exactly what you are talking about and I asked that to myself too many time. I even felt like life lied to me all along and I wonder how would I really be if I wasn't bipolar.
I'm sorry hon, I'm not much of a help here but I just wanted you to know that those questions aren't only in your head.
Hang in there, eventually you'll feel ok with whoever you are.
Hugs~