I do not want to sound harsh or insensitive, but have you considered just trying to gratify his needs some other ways, just to let him know you still want to be with him,but not ready to receive it yet.It should not make you feel used if you love him,(just try to think of him with desire,even if it is hard),because no matter how we word it as a women,men's perception is a feeling of failure,inconfidence ,which translate into further marital problems.There is no easy way out for you,it will take time for trust with your husband to build up,it is a bumpy road,but if you are willing to stay with him, you might think of finding some ways to satisfy him. And I am sure he will not think of you and You are NOT his pleasure toy,but you are a source of his confidence.
Good luck