So I have a wonderful boyfriend who is so supportive in my BPD recovery and pretty much every area of my life. About a month and a half ago, I started to feel disconnected and like he was going to leave me (we'd been arguing more and I just got scared). Instead of just running, I started creating my safety net so I wouldn't be alone. I started talking to an ex (even made plans to meet up but never did), flirting with a number of men and even sent risque pics out of myself. He found out and obviously it lead to a huge fight. I explained my feelings and the situation and he forgave me and we've been working on repairing the problems created by me. I did not sleep with anyone else, but I cannot minimize this, what I did was so wrong. I am horribly ashamed for my actions but have been working to show him that I want to combat my BPD and I don't want to be selfish and hurtful anymore. I've completely cut people out of my life who were involved in the fiasco and went so far as to remove over 100 people from facebook. The problem is that if I even talk to another man it seems as though he gets upset. I understand this, it was caused by my actions and the fact that trust was lost between us. I know I need to earn this trust back but am unsure how to start other than being honest and working so hard on recovery. I also worry thay because I'm not really allowed to talk to other men, will I ever be given the chance to prove that I can be trusted again? Do I need to just be patient? Is there anything I can do to repair the damage I've done? This is tremendously hard to write to all of you as I'm so ashamed of what I did to him but I want this to work more than anything so I'll set my pride aside, prepare for comments on what a worthless girlfriend I am, and hope for some really helpful insight into this.

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