{{{{{{{{{{Rainymood}}}}}}}}}}}} Welcome to PC!
You sound a lot like me. Mainly I do things so people can see how "good" I am. Just recently I started to relax a bit and find a way to be "good" just becuase I want to feel good within myself.
I know how you feel hon, I have anxiety and OCD, and it can be really hard at time. like Faye said, don't be so hard on yourself.
We are here anytime.
PM me if you ever need an ear~
Hang in there~