I feel like a husk, a discarded shell. I've spent the better part of my life pouring everything I had into those around me and adjusting myself to their likeness, to the point that I don't even know I am anymore. Everything is just consumed by self-blame, self-loathing, and self-doubt.

The worst part is that I can remember when things were different, good. I was happy and optimistic without having to make myself appear that way.

All that's left in me now is hatred. I hate everyone and everything so that nothing can hurt me like that again. I've been able to figure this much out in therapy, but it feels like I've gotten worse since I told my T what happened. She says that I've been bottling these feelings up and didn't even know that I had them.

Thank you all for reading this. I'm not sure what I hoped to gain from posting this. If you have any advice on how to deal with this, I'd be very grateful.