Hi ToddlerMOm
You start out saying you think the problem is.....he is frustrated etc. Obviously you are too.
It does not sound like he is abusive. But calling names is a form of abuse to me and not to cool. You are never going to get anyway flying into a rage, or hanging onto issues that in the scheme of life are not that important, or can be dealt with in a nicer way.
I will say a word that may help and that is COMPROMISE. Calmly talk about what you would like, have him say what he wants and find a way that each of you can at least get a little of what you want.
Going to counseling to help you communicate better is always helpful
Good luck