I agree with Ultramar that part of what is going on is that you lack a strong sense of self and that you are enmeshed with your T. However, from what you've written over the years, it seems that you also do feel an attraction to your T. This feeling has persisted for you for quite some time, and you have reported having those "too good" feelings when you are around her and she looks attractive that day. It seems that when clients feel attracted to a same-sex T, people often chalk it up to transference ONLY and deny any possibility that there is also a same-sex attraction present. Of course, it's partly transference. And not every client who feels an attraction to a same-sex T is curious/bi/gay/lesbian. However, sexuality is fluid for many people, if not most people. Many people have felt some attraction to certain people of both sexes at some point in their lives. That's fairly common. Having those feelings doesn't have to be threatening and doesn't have to be explained away. It's a part of the spectrum of human sexuality. From the history you've described over the years Rainbow, it seems as though you have felt a similar type of infatuation for many men (and a few women) in the past. For instance, you've described feeling something similar for actresses and teachers, before you began having these feelings for your T. I also remember you saying once that you think it is okay for others to be bi or lesbian, but NOT for you. Of course, if you think it's not okay for you, that means you don't really think it's okay in general. It's like those parents who say "I'm fine with other people being gay, but not my child." That simply doesn't make logical sense. It's a homophobic line. So, to me, when you said it's not okay for you, that suggests that you have an internalized sense of biphobia. You recognize that it's possible that, in addition to being attracted to men, you may have some attraction to certain women- but you don't accept that part of yourself. One defense mechanism against those kinds of feelings is to say that you just want to "be like" those women; you want to imitate them. If you see them as representing qualities that you want to have, then it takes away the threat that you may actually want to be with them in a romantic way. Of course, both feelings can be present at the same time. One part of you might admire T, and another part of you might desire T. I think if you worked through your feelings- the feelings that think it would not be okay to be bi curious/ bisexual/ sexually fluid- then maybe some of the intensity around your attachment to your T would decrease. I don't know for sure, but I think that's a possibility. I think that may be going on, hand in hand, with your lack of a sense of Self. If you are denying or suppressing one part of yourself (even a small one), then how can your Self be complete?