My latest approach is to go out of my way to accept responsibility (or blame - whatever you want to call it) for whatever problems and misunderstandings there have been and for my lack of progress. I hope that she will start giving me more encouragement and acceptance. I wish that I knew what she was thinking and how her method is supposed to work. She keeps reminding me that change is about doing something and not just thinking differently, for me, anyway.

I am supposed to see her tomorrow, but I have to drive through a blizzard over a mountain for 2 1/2 hours (estimate based on normal driving conditions, so probably more than that) to get there. I just have to hope that the worst of the storm is over by the time I'm supposed to be driving that way, and that it's cleaned up or under control. Cancelling would not be good for me right now. I haven't seen her since November, and July before that. We're supposed to go to all f2f and no more email starting now.

I hope that if I get there I'll even be able to talk to her. I'm afraid I'll get mad and/or just shut down.

Rap