Quote:
Originally Posted by IndieVisible
Twigger I'm going to give you a dose of reality, be honest and supportive all at the same time, so please do not take offense and I apologize in advance if you do take offense. I honestly have no radar or filter on what is appropiate I just try to be honest and hope for the best.
There is absolutely NO PERFECT relations. Never gonna happen! GUARANTEED! IMHO I think you are being overly playing your expectations. They are not rational. Everyone needs space and some privacy. Demanding to know everything about another person's life is IMHO being controlling and invading that privacy. She sounds pretty normal to me. Heck if we all knew every thing our spouse or partner was doing every minute there would be no relationships at all. The fact and truth is every one or most every one has and does engage in questionable activity that can be questioned. Rather then focus on that and dwell on that which is not healthy at all, you should take comfort that she is still with you and trying to be as open and honest as possible for her. You can not expect her to be just like you. That's unfair. I think you need to cut her some slack let her have her private time and space. That will be a much more healthier relationship. And if this relations works out or not will not depend on how honest each are. It's going to depend on how long you can both feeling attracted to each other. Don't let these petty things and yes I consider the texting/emails petty too. Would I like it or approve? Nope. But it would not be a show stopper if she showed regret and said she was sorry. How often would I forgive her? Dunno. The point really is not to worry about it. Enjoy what you do have which is way more then a lot of people ever have!  |
IndieVisible, I don't take offense to your response at all, that's why I'm here. I obviously don't have the answers. I am so absolutely in agreement with you about the individualism of each person in the relationship. And in the beginning , it was just like that. I actually encourage her, even now, to have friendships and activities outside of our relationship. And I have expressed this as well, that if she wants to have cyber sex with a friend of hers, I'm all for that too...we've always been very open minded in that department. But it was also always understood that no matter what, we were both involved in that aspect especially. That was what was so hurtful about all of this, is that I have never been overbearing, judgmental, and definitely not controlling. And any of the things that she hid from me or lied about were things that I would have been open to discussing had she given me the chance. And when she pulls away from me emotionally and sexually but swears to my face that there is nothing wrong, then I do think that is something I should engage. If she's putting so much of what she is able to give to any relationship into other people and not into our partnership, then it should either change or move on right? But she was unwilling to change....but she always said she wanted to.
I don't know...I'm so out of reach of what should be or shouldn't be right now. That's what makes me so frustrated sometimes...I have never been this person before. I hate that I have jealous feelings out of nothing now. I hate thinking that if she is willing to lie about these little things, flat out right to my face lies, then what about the really big stuff? What about our future can I trust? I want to....but...grr.
Oh, and I never went out of my way to discover things about her actions. These things have just randomly presented themselves in unmistakeable ways. I'm not even sure it matters any more...I don't know.
Again, thank you for your insight, I do appreciate it.