Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Mama
wife22 - I have tried to meet his needs in ways other then sex. I have pleasured him. I am not really comfortable doing that. Because at one point I had to do this many many times for the individual who constantly raped me. My H also got angry with me over the years and that was gratifying him was a solution to actually having sex. He would beg, plead, manipulate, and be flat out rude in order to get me to do that. So it is not exactly something I like doing and have had good experiences with.
I jsut wish he would leave me alone and let me heal emotionally. Just during this time that I am working on triggering things in T. When I am trying to over come being someones elses toy, or doing something I don;t want to only to satisfy some one elses need, it has made me feel used in the past. I am trying to work threw that, but continuing on this path is quite difficult.
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I do not know what to say to avoid hypocrisy...It does feel used and cheap when you are constantly on giving end and never on receiving of trust/love/warmth and respect.I do not know how long man can go like that without marriage base being shuttered.I do believe that the best and closest marriage is were both partners trust /respect each other enough to listen and hear the concerns of each one,and process the information not through their own prism of feelings,but through partner's.Does it happen ?maybe.. I do know one thing,that when I felt like an impersonal used toy,I resented him.Talking was of no avail,since his perception differs from mine.There were days/weeks we behaved like strangers under the same roof( worse when one is living with in-laws,all the questions.....).MOre I waited and longed for him to make a first step and close the distance between us,more he retracted back to his own shell. So i did the first step again and again to avoid reaching the last line I do not want to cross.Does it make me feels better-no,does it save me from misery of bad tension /fight and chilling silence-yes.I can't pretend forever,but I can't tolerate the fights and accusations any more
. So maybe your H needs to work on his anger issues with T,since he did hurt you in the past,Trust is something we earn and we earn things by hard work.
LIfe is Catch 22
Be brave,love yourself,maybe you should start working just to get out of the house.
with all respect and deep sympathy.... ,God bless you