I used to idealize and then devalue a lot growing up. In my junior year of high school I was required to see a school psychologist because of a traumatic insadentI had suffered the year before, and he helped me to see how black and white my thinking/behavior was. He never used the lable BPD, or any lable for that matter. He was able to help me to identify and for the most part concor this issue even without the experience of dealing with BPD or DBT. I continued to see him after graduating high school at his outside practice until I was 20 and began DBT.
You'd think having worked through this issue my interpersonal relationships would be considerably less complicated right? No such luck. Instead I am very wary of the idealize and devalue cycle, but then when I do finally get to know someone well enough to get close to them there's pretty much nothing they can do to make me no longer care about them. Even if the person never cared about me in the first place (which has happened a few times). Sometimes I just wanna "Uncare" about certain people forever and find myself frustrated that I can't. Even if I have the other person convinced other wise, I can't ever convince myself.
With that undying loyalty to those I do end up caring about thing in mind, I find myself reluctant to get close to anyone. Being taken advantage of, devalued, and everything else under the sun really hurts you know? It feels like many of the people in my past and present hold me to a much higher standard than they hold themselves. I'm expected to forgive, forget, and always be there but I am not given the same consideration.
I know my DBT T said complete recovery and normal interpersonal relationships is possible, but sometimes I wonder cuz it seems like when I concor something another issue pops up.
-End Vent-
Sorry twas so long. Good day.