I can feel my mood shifting. I was kind of ok when I first got up this morning, the weekend was ok too. But now it's the afternoon I can feel it changing. I can feel the pressure building. I can feel it weighing me down, pushing me down even.

I just feel different inside. It almost feels like I have already done something about it, something bad. I can feel my heart beating. I become so much more aware of every part of me. All my limbs they get tense, kind of. They feel heavy. I find it hard to explain. This pressure doesn't just affect my head, my mood. It affects everything. And I have to physically do something about it to release it. Otherwise it builds and it builds. So I just have to do something.

If I act on it today, sooner rather than later, then it shouldn't get too bad. But if I leave it, well I will do something worse.

But what if I do something worse anyway? Just to stop it. Because yeah I can reduce the pressure. But it doesn't go away, I might just slow it down a little. So if I could make it go away for good....stop it in its tracks.

What am I even saying? It will never go away. Unless I do too.

I am on edge...so on edge...