Well H4M, my XGF would never acknowledge there was ANYTHING wrong with her, which is similar to my case....everything was my fault according to her. I didn't love her enough, didn't care enough, I wanted an out...wanted to stare at other women, I criticized the way she dressed...her makeup...even when I complimented her. She said I was emotionally unavailable and it seemed nothing I said was right, or turned around later as being malevolent...If I posted ANYTHING on facebook, it was a message that should be read into...and there would then be a fight. it goes on and on...It was truly a daily struggle. Terrified of the next day and what was to come.

In the case of the BPDs on the board here they have come to realize...and able to accept there is an issue and want to do something about it. In our cases the denial (which is often a hallmark of BPD) of there even being an issue is what makes our cases completely unmanageable. If she had really tried...and accepted it, I might still be with her. I would have worked hard to make it work, but one person (esp the non) cannot make all the effort. And when you're codependent like I have a tendency to be, this is a powder keg waiting to go off...and when it does, it can be bad. Hence restraining orders, and in my case $4000 worth of damage to my vehicle and watching someone you love being wrestled to the ground and go off to jail in a police car. That part really sucked.

Getting away from her was only the beginning of my struggles. Dealing with the trauma to my psyche was the other half. That has taken 16 months. Am I 100% over it? No...probalby never will be because there is always a place in my heart for her, but I am done...and moving on. I know I went way beyond what anyone else would have endured. And I feel good knowing I did all I could...

Thank you for your kind words. I hope for you that you are able to snap back from the trauma caused by him as well. Don't be surprised if it takes some time. Good luck.