Hi, Bill, I'm glad you asked this question. It's a sensitive topic for me too. When I first met my therapist, I told her what I learned when I was young about crying: it was for funerals or other major tragedies, in other cases, I learned to suck it up. I had learned better over the years as an adult, but that was my original framework. We began our sessions via chat online, so... I had the opportunity to cry unobserved, which was freeing, but I learned quickly that it was only fair to tell my therapist if I was crying. I felt uncomfortable sharing that sometimes, hard to feel "justified" crying, hard to get to that place of emotional openness where I acknowledge or find I have anything to cry about. She learned to ask me sometimes, if I was crying, during pauses in our chats, and it has become much easier, a regular part of the dialog to explain how I'm feeling in my body, if I'm crying, etc. It's been a good experience to be revealing like this.

At one point, I felt so blocked up that I didn't think I'd be able to give her enough emotional honesty through typing, so I asked if we could do phone sessions. It seems like I've been wailing ever since, haha. Something about hearing her kind voice and dealing with the issues I've been working through (PTSD, abuse, relationship issues) is very encouraging. She actually has a deep belief about the benefits of crying, about releasing pent up emotional energy, and that tears can be stored a long time and need to come out I think. She talks about tears as healing, though I certainly don't always feel them that way. Sometimes they feel wrenching, sometimes I feel completely frustrated, but sometimes I do feel a glimmer of relief, and I will say that while I do not feel better necessarily as I work through the hard things, I'm doing a lot better, and think the crying helps.

One of the things my therapist does that I really love is say she will "hold" my tears for me, give me a safe space to cry, and she is comforting and sympathetic, in a grandmotherly sort of way almost, which helps a lot.

I can not quite imagine crying like that with a male therapist or someone my own age even, for example.