I'm glad you will soon be able to see a professional, as we can't diagnose problems on here since we don't have the proper skills need to do that. We can give personal opinions. I think therapy would do you a lot of good. You have a lot of childhood issues you probably need to work through, since they affect the present. You can learn techniques to deal with your impulsivity.

Hopefully, being on PC will help you feel not so alone. There are a lot of good people on here, that are just like you and are lonely and sad. Keep posting and you will get to know us better.