What a hard place you are in! I was reminded with the above of the bad joke, "Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?"

It is your life, your mistake. You shared with your husband but that does not make it his experience to manipulate? You have to decide what is important to you; you cannot consider your husband, he has to be in charge of his life, you cannot be, and he is acting the vampire and pimp, not actions of a "good person". You chose to commit adultery but the Church did not enter the equation for you then so it should not now; you chose one thing then, you have to chose another now. Your choice is your choice and currently you are choosing to hurt yourself to allow your husband to hurt you and himself.