This is the thing when I lost my job due to ongoing illness (have fought my wholelife with depression,anxiety,migraines the list goes on)always had decent jobs and pushed myself very hard to be there and be a good worker, When ex arrived this time I think I had my head in lala land or something.I actually made things worse by asking him to move in.
When I lost my job and was unable to find anything while on unemployment we were all getting along fine (kids are adults now, our son and his wife and grandkids,live upstairs) I was happy he could make up for some lost time with his children and he was so much different.
Now we are at the point where my medical situation is worse and I have no Income so he is paying 50% of rent and other bills which I appreciate, I just wished he would have waited till he was out of here before he started a new relationship, It hurts me because I do not know what I did and I have told him above all his children and grand children should be #1 . He is a hard worker and helps so this is why I am hard on myself ! I need to get over the fact that he will never be with me. Yes I love him and thats OK but I am so hurt,raw, lonley and disgusted with myself right now every day I feel like why did I wake up! then I look around I see my babies and grandbabies even my cats and I know I have at least 50 million or more heartbeats just for them, so I don't think its all my fault I just dont know what the F to do while I am waiting for damn disability payments tokick in.
I need to pick myself up WHY IS IT SO HARD