</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mouse_ said: It hit me as I read about abandoment and loss the life long pain this leaves one with. It hit me that I have a need to create that original loss and to try and repair it. Hence my missing my T so much. It seems I am creating the abandoment I feel by her during breaks, knowing full well that this time it gets repaired, she comes back.

Though part of these feelings will be real. That I do miss her because I know her, but the deep deep pain and mourning I experience are a "trauma reinactment".

... Its not her so much I am longing for, its the power of the "unconsious game" .

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> mouse_

what great revelations to come to after the work you've been doing on this. as person of adoption our opinions on the matter are often not in line with "traditional" thinking so we are grateful you're able to share your journey here with the board.

good stuff. not our root issue as one therapist of ours in past tried to convince us it was....we knew it wasn't.........sure it plays role but not center stage....for us anyway.

to break a pattern one must first recognize it. no mistaking your recognition here!! kudos to your dedication to your healing.