You're not a child, and posting this topic shows lots of courage. I'm proud of you for doing it. And if you ask me, I really don't think these thoughts are all that wierd. I've had stranger thoughts, trust me. Can we really control thoughts that pop into our heads? I can't. But I can choose how I respond to them. I'll tell you a thought I had when I was 19 that I've never told anyone until now... I was drinking with some friends, and I was standing behind someone on a cliff, and a quick thought popped into my head to push him off... Pretty creepy, right!? I thought it was too. And just thinking about it now gives me the creeps.