I've said this before, but I need to say it again because it feels even more so for me right now:

Therapy feels like surgery with no anesthetic! It feels barbaric to me!

It seems like my T watches me in pain and all he can do is try to empathize and mostly, just sit there and look concerned... maybe summarize how much pain I'm in and theorize as to why... Encourage me to feel the pain... "Tap" the painful spot by asking questions and seeing if it causes more pain... And once it does, more concern... Ahhhh! I cannot stand it! And seriously, this is all voluntary? Am I that out of it?? I signed up for this in the face of social stigma and the hit to my pocketbook

I cannot, for the life of me, understand what I'm doing in therapy right now. I'm in the thick of the pain - it's been hurting most of the day today. It just sits in my heart and my gut and just....well aches, I guess. And I feel like a child. Wanting my T - of all things! The one who I'm starting to visualize as more of a surgeon who has a blindfold on /: But it's too late because I'm unable to just get up off the table and walk away in the middle of it all - I'm attached.

Honestly - I guess I just need some hope that in the end, all of this pain might not be for naught. I know I'm being dramatic, but I honestly am worried its going to be for nothing and I'm just a masochist.

Is there really hope on the other side or is this therapy thing just like rolling the dice?