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Unfortunately, we can't be of much help with diagnosis, but clearly you're struggling and I hope this gets better. I'm hearing struggles with self-esteem, with impulsivity, sadness, with relationships --diagnoses aside, I think therapy could potentially help you with these, also perhaps to work through your childhood experiences that may still be affecting you today, understand them better, mourn them, integrate them into your current self.
I hope you're able to get some help soon once you get your paperwork and status sorted out. Best of luck.
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