I've been cutting for about 4 years now but I got some help with a therapist for a while and had calmed down and stopped, got into quite a complicated but happy relationship, told my parents that I'm bi and even though everything is going pretty well. I broke again I cut only about 15 times (which isn't much for me) and ever since I'm been grabbing pencils and drawing pictures on my leg.. Digging the pencil into my skin over and over not piercing the skin but raising and bruising it badly into whatever shape I want. It's just a massive urge and it hurts like hell but I love it. My girlfriend saw me doing it without my even realisation of me doing it and asked me to stop but my body wouldn't let me put that pencil down.. I don't know how to stop these urges of pain