here's some of what he had to say in response to me:

"and im suppose to what? be a saint? take move at 150% to make up for when youre at 50% what happens when i DO have two jobs and we DO have kids....how much goes on me before i break"

..."how could you be the person i tell "i wish she wouldnt sleep so damn much" or "the difference in personality is really starting to get to me" "im becoming more angry and resentful and i dont like it" i have to put it all away to not add more stress..."

although i can see where he's coming from, i still don't understand the methods he's choosing to deal with his anxieties and worry...