I am so sorry you were sexually abused at such a young age. I understand how frustrating it is when no one is able to see what you feel.....but to give them benefit of doubt - it's very difficult to understand another person's mind.

It's frustrating when you can't remember what happened to you - something happened to me when I was a kid (no more than 8), because I was sexually acting out with friends, cousins and even toys. I know something happened because of incidents that followed that....I have no memory of the incident.

It's frustrating....it's like a huge wall standing between you and closure.

But try not to obsess over it. You are still very young. You are doing well. Why not write about all that you feel - why you feel something is missing. It may slowly help you understand why and how you can improve it. It takes time to deal with it - but you will.

Pls keep searching for a therapist you think you can work with. I also request you to read this article - talks about why you can't remember traumatic incidents - Why Do Flashbacks Happen? | After Trauma

Good luck!!