I am really grateful for all of your responses. It is helpful to have support when I am feeling so badly about myself. I have nobody in my life I can talk to except my BF. I am hoping to start counseling this week, it is quite a distance and I have to take 3 buses to get there but I know I need help and I found out about this place in the newspaper. They will see anyone regardless of whether you have insurance or income. Anyway, I am trying to take in all of your comments. I do realize that when you die your life on earth is over and its everyone left behind that has a difficult time with the death. I know my Mom is at peace, she doesn't have to worry or stress about anything. She did not have a very happy life. I am just upset at how sudden it was and that I didn't get the chance to spend some time with her and also I wanted to be in a better place in my life before she died. She was worried about me and my life situation. I did talk to her while she was dying and told her that I was going to be ok and that it was ok to go and be at peace if she was tired. I told her that I was sorry for not being able to do more and then I talked about things we did together and thanked her for taking care of me. I asked my sister and BF to leave the room so I could have this time in private and my sister hesitated. I think she was afraid I was going to tell my mother to hold on and not to die. I told her I was not going to say anything to upset her, and she said, "Please Don't". That really hurt me. I have a lot of issues to work through with this and I hope the counseling will help. But I do appreciate everyones support here.

Thanks again.

Bree Marie.