Quote:
Originally Posted by Freewilled
Well, no. I did not expect it would be a walk in the park. I've been to therapy in the past and that's another story for another day, but basically have not had this intense of an attachment with a T before....
I want the therapy to work for me. I want to understand how I can process things and "do the work" and how that will look on the other side. I'm not saying it should be easy or whatnot. I'm saying that I want to know Im not going to be in therapy for the rest of my life because I have things on hold that depend on me "getting better", or at least improving. I didn't go to therapy for nothing.
[snip]
So I tried therapy and I really feel I've done my best despite the fact that my anxiety soars for hours before every session. My T is very kind and present and he's not a reason for me to get so anxious. It's prob the material that gets activated in T that causes these reactions.
So yeah. No, not a walk in the park. Just want to know all this isn't being done in vain.
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I can very, very much relate to all of this. For whatever it is worth, I think nine months is pretty early days, and many people say that it does get worse before it starts getting better. It doesn't sound as if your T is the problem, rather, as you say, it's the stuff that's coming up that does it. Medication can help, and in particular it can help the therapy process - my T has spoken about this at length when he was trying to convince me to go on medication (he's a pdoc as well).
I hope things turn around for you soon. Even a small change, a session or two where you leave with a sense of lightness and relief rather than hopelessness and pain, can make it all seem more worthwhile.
