Thanks people :-)

I have a list of things I worry about:

1) I worry that he won't want to work with me when he realises that I'm really not going to switch in sessions (and that that isn't just a lack of trust issue).
2) Related to the above: I worry that he won't want to work with me when he realises that he isn't going to be getting the opportunity to treat someone with the standard therapies for the standard conception of DID.
3) I worry that W. will bully him.
4) I worry that he will feel revolted by kt.
5) I worry that a. will bully him too...
6) I worry that he will find W. to be rediculous.
Aw. Little point going on with this. One and Two are the majors.

You wouldn't believe how hard it is...

To start with people wouldn't work with me because they said that they didn't have experience with treating DID so they weren't qualified to be working with me.

And then people would work with me but I really don't think that they did have experience to be working with me. I'm not sure what that is about. Maybe it was that I didn't trust that they were strong enough should W. turn out to bully them. Maybe it was also that I have thoughts about what is going on for me and some thoughts about what I need and I don't think they could really understand what I was saying...

But this guy is about perfect. He is really really really nice. But I think he is probably stronger than he looks with respect to his ability to deal with W. I've told him W. is a bully already. That he bullys me and J. That I'm scared he will bully kt so I have to be a bit careful of how much I say about her... When I said that latter bit he said 'sorry - you are scared W. will bully me?' I said 'no, kt'. I don't know if he misheard (is he worrying about that too?) or if he was trying to get me to admit that... Either way... I guess he knows it could be on the cards anyway. I think W. has internalised my mothers ways of getting things done / getting what he wants. Maybe he can learn other ways to effect that...

It is okay.

I told him about the overlap between me and W. about how sometimes i get confused about whether it is what W. wants or about whether it is what I want but I am ambivalent. Sometimes I miss a bit of time to him yeah. But there is this overlap too. Sometimes lots. The more I work with him the more overlap there is. I see how the integration is going to go:

W
A
then the hurting parts
J
kt
i understand...

it is about making me larger. so i don't have to disown their thoughts memories feelings anymore. disown them and they hurt and act up and get me into trouble. it is about making me larger. i can prevent switching in sessions. i can prevent it. so... i want to do things this way. don't care what you call me. call me did or pseudodid or dissociative spectrum i don't care what you call me so long as it isn't a manipulative attention seeking liar.

bye bye diagnoses i really don't care.

oh the beauty of being treated as a person