I am not fully sure if this should go here or if it should go elsewhere, but I just feel the need to reach out.

Today is a really sh**** day. I hardly slept last night because I was stressing myself out so much and now today I feel so extremely angry with myself and sad and upset and alone.

I hate to think I am trying to be a victim, and maybe subconsciously I am, but I feel so desperate and out of control. I feel like such a little minuscule person that can never do anything right. Every time I think I am making one step forward I take three back and every single time I punish myself to an extreme. I feel like I ought to go away for good and stay away from everybody to avoid f*****g things up for them, because I seem incapable of doing anything right. I also have no skills or real talents to speak of, so I I don't even know why I bother to even try. The people that have tried to help me are the same people that I have somehow ended up f*****g over and now, they may not be saying it out loud, but I know they hate me for the stuff I've done.

That said though, I don't feel its fair that I have to be held accountable so highly for my mistakes and shortcomings, but that's how everyone makes me feel. I SI'd this morning and I still was left trembling after I was finished because I still felt so overcome by my emotions. Even as I apologized to my coworker for being such a sh**** coworker and person, it was like my being just wanted to yell my apology and I had this urge to hit something, to push everything off my desk, to throw my mug against the wall because the emotions were so overwhelming.

I am so sick and tired of being constantly followed by this dark cloud that only seems to bring me problems and causes me to burn bridges I would much rather leave untouched. I don't feel like I can care anymore. My heart and my well-being can't take it anymore. And what hurts more is the realization that no amount of therapy will ever fix my stupidity or my lack of common sense. That's just who I am, and it isn't worth much.