I've just been having a really bad week, I've pretty much spent the past few days in constant tears even though I usually find it really hard to cry... just sudden realization of how useless I am and just self-destructive thoughts in general.

I have not SI-ed in a while but ofc it's creeping back into my mind again... I want to but at the same time I don't want to and I guess it's sort of different from urges and possibly more frustrating for me, since when I have urges (trigger alert) I know that if I cut I will feel better, and it's simple, but right now it's not... I'm so confused and thinking about it just gives me a headache, I know SI is not the answer but I really desperately want it to be.

Ugh. Thx for reading.

- AJ