Do any of you have that one person who triggers you and almost immediately can take you from happy to either blood boiling rage to deep sorrow and guilt and self hatred? That person for me is my mother.

To understand this morning you'll need some background... so I dated a guy for like 7 months who was very emotionally abusive and horrible to me. I was in the idealization period and he became my world so I moved up to where he lived, left a really good job, and left my family. Long story short we didn't work out and I ended up on my mother's doorstep in the middle of the night and begged her to let me stay as I left my apartment to move in with him.

We've been living there since March and with me being BPD and her being bipolar, things have been rocky but usually okay.

This morning was rocky. She was complaining about me leaving lights on and I got pissy, she's been in a low lately so I know I need to be patient but it is hard sometimes. She told me I should be grateful to live with her to which I responded that she should be grateful that I live there (as I pay her rent and supply all the groceries and buy most the household items). She laughed at me and said that she's never been grateful to have us (being my son and me) live there. That hurt tremendously and now I'm wallowing in self-hatred. She is such a trigger, I hate feeling this way.

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