I have no experience to speak of when it comes to integrating, except what I've read, and it seems to me that everyone has their own format for who integrates and when. That would be a you and your t conversation, I'm sure she can help you out.

I know what you mean, wondering what she might have been if none of this had happened. You (all) wouldn't have had to go through nearly as much. You probably wouldn't have the coping skills, strength and other amazing abilities that come with DID as well, though. There really is no way to ever know how you would have been. I hope you can look at all your parts and be proud of what they have done, to help you survive. Since learning about my diagnosis this summer, I am in constant awe of how I managed to get through such horrible and confusing times, and yet still develop some pretty high coping skills because of it all. Right now they're not really helping me all the time anymore, of course, but it's pretty amazing that I was able to create this entire system as I needed it.
There is no specific step by step, who integrates into whom, rule. It can be scary, but it also means you can decide for yourself, as a group, what works best.
best wishes,
IJ