Oh Pilatus, I have been where you are at so many times. It is a lonely place to be.

I would lock my doors, close the curtains and turn off the phone. I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I would either stay in bed all covered up or sit in the living room staring at the tv. While I mean staring, I couldn't even concentrate on the programs to watch them.

It eats you up inside. I found the longer I was this way, the longer and harder it was for me to come out of it. My eyes were always swollen from all the tears.

It was like spiraling down into a deep dark hole that you could never see the bottom of. I would always get to the point of wanting to end it all. I would be so tired of all the hurt and pain.

I have even sat and thought about the best way to "end" it. What would be best for the family when they found me. What would be the easiet for them.

Luckily, I was taken in and my doc diagnosed me with severe depression and anxiety. He put me on two different anti-depressants, but that was after trying several of them as some didn't work.

I now have a new lease on life. At least, for now. I don't know if after awhile, the meds stop working or not. I sure hope not.

I do hope you will go to your doc and be honest with your feelings to him. This all could be over if you give it a try. I know you don't want the pain anymore. I know you want the hurt to go away. I wish this for you. My wish is that you will start feeling life again. Wanting life again.

Good luck to you and if you ever need to talk, I am here.
Hugs,
Linda