I do the exact same thing. Wishing I would get into an accident just to be taken care of, to rest from my day to day worries and to get attention. The rage fantasies are there too. I find myself daydreaming about beating someone with a tire iron and the worst part about it is that they have done nothing against me...yet. I have to force myself to come back to reality. Some of my fantasies are a little too real and it takes a lot to snap out of it sometimes. I have thought myself to be a monster many times. As long as I don't act on these fantasies though, I know I am not a monster, just someone who was hurt with a lot of emotional rage at the world and at myself. I often thought of writing a book with my alter self being the bad guy and my other half being the good guy. But too afraid of ridicule and rejection to do that.