one thing i hear (and believe) over and over is that you SURVIVED all that horrible trauma and abuse. THAT was the terrible part. What you have left over is scary, and I completely understand that sentiment--but the abuse is over. You can face yourself and make it through to the other side, because you are so, SO much stronger than you think. My T was fond of telling me over and over that it takes so much more energy to hold all this stuff in and hide from it and stuff it down than it does to release it.