One of the things that started to help was communication. Just being very frank, pushing through any initial embarrassment. Getting used to saying all those words that we used to whisper or use replacement words for or not say at all?

The ones we used to blush at or pretend we didn't know?
And seriously? Go with your partner to like an adult sexual technique or sexual education site [something that's not trashy, but for partners] and look through stuff, or get a book. Talk about things, get comfortable with asking "is this ok? how about this? is there something I can do better?" use the words, use direction, take constructive direction, give praise.
have fun, make jokes, be silly, laugh, fall off the bed, hit your funny bone, giggle.

It's supposed to be fun, not nerve wracking.
I don't know if it is nerve wracking, but i think for a lot of people, particularly those who have had traumatic experiences... sex can be very serious business- and that is totally understandable because it can obviously put you in a very vulnerable position. But sex is a very very silly thing.

Humor and communication, once I started to really invest in those two things, went a long way to improve my sex life in general. It went a long way to improve the quality and the bond I had with my partner.

I don't mean to preach, and I know it's not easy.
In so many movies, sex is this dramatic, low lit thing where we all wear sexy chic bits of clothing and glide to each other on the bed.

In real life I fall off and giggle?
And good sex takes practice too. I really don't know anyone who was just good at it the first time and every time all the time.

I hope there is something helpful in there.
For the longest time I had a lot of difficulty getting what I thought I should out of intimacy.